Is there a strange disconnect between you as a woman and you as a worker?
An interesting thing happens when I talk to a new client. She’ll fill me in on what her problem is, and mostly it’s how to create her natural body and be happier while she is doing it.
And some fascinating things come out in the conversation.
We all live in a few domains. Our personal world, including our health, vitality and happiness. Our family and other connections. And our world of work, our contribution to the world.
For many of us, there may be more, like our spiritual world, and others, but let’s look at our personal life and our work life.
Most of us usually have goals for both these arenas. Both domains have a process to go through to get to these goals, right? There are things we need to do and steps we need to take to reach our goals. And both paths require many, many individual tasks to get where we want to go.
Also, both are very much within our control, although we may not always realize this.
But aren’t these challenges different?
Yes and no.
In business, when we have a challenge, we get help. We don’t make it mean anything personal if we need support to get a job done. We’re less emotional overall about our business realm.
But in our private lives and our bodies, we make everything personal. We think: I’m smart! I should be able to figure this out!
We blame ourselves for every little deviation from our goal path. And then we sadly assume something must be very wrong with us. Or, we just haven’t found the secret formula to taking care of our happiness, our health and our bodies that eludes us.
Maybe it’s time to look at how we deal with work.
If blasting through a challenging work project can have a great impact on your job or career, you’d want to do it, wouldn’t you? If learning how to delegate more would push you up the ladder one step, wouldn’t you take that step and learn? And if pushing yourself to take on a bit more responsibility for another area of work, you’d probably do that too.
But what do we do instead in our private lives?
Think about a personal goal you have, like getting more fit and healthier. Maybe losing some extra weight. When we want to make a physical change in our life, we usually start by looking at where we are, and lamenting about how ‘stuck’ we are.
Although many of us search the internet incessantly for answers, we often don’t give these potential solutions enough time to take root. We could be all over the place, skimming ideas but not really diving deep enough into anything that could help.
At the smallest sign of failure, we pack up and go home. And, here’s the kicker… we blame ourselves totally.
So what’s the answer?
Funny enough, we already possess many of the skills we need to move ourselves up the ladder at work, and these same skills can be applied to any area of our personal life.
Skills like patience. Doing research. Making a solid plan. Getting the support we need. And taking the time to figure out what hasn’t worked and why.
We’d have a higher chance of getting ahead at work when we use our skills that involve emotional intelligence but not necessarily by being emotional.
Voila! Here’s the answer.
Treat your personal life more like you treat your business. No, this doesn’t mean you need to become flat and unemotional about everything. Or stop enjoying the pleasures of eating.
Feelings are what give our lives depth and richness; we don’t want to get rid of these. But we want to stop applying them where they make no sense.
Not getting something right the first time is no reason to stop trying, in any life domain. Remember all the spills you took as a child learning to ride that two-wheeler?
Growth requires falling down and then strengthening those muscles by getting up, over and over and over again.
Just like you’d do in business. At work. In your job. And feeling bad about yourself doesn’t have to be, and shouldn’t be, part of that process.
Try this now:
Do you want to eat healthier? Eat only when you’re genuinely hungry (the biggest difference maker!) or start moving your body?
Make a plan.
Look at what hasn’t helped in the past. Acknowledge it. Take responsibility for it and move on. Get the right kind of help, support that will teach you and guide you but not just be your cheerleader. You need perspective.
And plan on a long view. Just like a big work project may cut across many months or even a year, a big personal project like changing your body will also take time.
So when that first slip happens, and it will, stop making it mean anything bad about you. Just take it as unemotional feedback that you need to pivot and make an adjustment in your plan.
You can do this.
How do I know? Just look at all the other things you’ve accomplished in your life.