Posts Tagged ‘never lose hope’

Episode 107: Recommit to Your Weight Loss and Eating Goals

Tuesday, January 15th, 2019

Episode 107: Recommit to Your Weight Loss and Eating Goals

If you are ready to set some goals and get what you truly want this year, then you’ll have to think about and work on developing your commitment or recommitment.

Recommit podcast 107

A commitment to yourself, to your goal and to not giving up.

That is what I will work on with you in this coaching session today.

I want you to succeed. And I want you to know the feeling of pride in yourself when you get yourself to do what you most want to do.

Despite obstacles and despite slipping back into old patterns.

Commitment is so important! Here’s what you’ll learn today:

  • How to commit with passion even if you’ve failed to reach your goal many times.
  • Why self-belief is not optional.
  • How you might be using your past to predict your future, and why this is a mistake.
  • Are you a perfectionist? I want you to understand how this can hold you back.
  • How to stop arguing with reality over the process you must go through to get what you want.
  • Why some sacrifice is a good thing.
  • And, how to determine which stage of change you’re currently in, and what you can and can’t do in each stage.

There is no perfect time to start working towards a goal, not a Monday, not New Year’s Day, nor the first of any month.

You can begin working towards your goals any day, any time, and any moment.

Step into your future with me and let’s get you what you most want: lasting weight loss, natural eating habits and the ability to keep your promise to yourself.

I will see you in the coaching session!


The Freedom Group – Here’s how you can work with me!

Do you struggle to lose weight or stop eating emotionally? If you do, click here to learn how The Freedom Group can help.

The Freedom Group is a comprehensive, structured coaching program with me as your coach and a group of like-minded women who will help you reach your goals. We use my unique EAT, THINK, LOVE program to help you lose weight, change how you eat, and lose the whole problem!

Enrollment will open soon, so get on the waiting list and be the first to know when we’re accepting new members. This is a monthly membership and you can stay as long as you wish. I’d love to work with you in the Freedom Group.


Podcast Study Guide

The Weight Loss Made Real Podcast Study Guide was created to support you on your weight loss journey. If you enjoy my podcast and want help taking what you hear and putting it into real life action, you’ll love this workbook!

Collection 1 is all about Episodes 1 – 52, and it contains these great features:

  • Easy-to-read summaries of all the main, most important concepts from each podcast episode.
  • Room for you to take notes that are relevant to you and your life, right there alongside the summary notes.
  • A direct link to each episode for your reference and so you can easily listen while you read the summaries.
  • An action step for each episode, plus links to additional resources mentioned are embedded right into the notes so you can easily access them, if desired… and much more!

Get all the details and purchase your copy today.


Gifts and Important Links

Make sure you get your FREE downloadable copy of my Amazon book, Clearing Your Path to Permanent Weight Loss, plus other gifts. Get them here: http://weightlossmadereal.com/gifts

I always welcome your letters. You may email me with questions and suggestions for podcasts at cookie@realweightlossrealwomen.com

Finally, I’d so appreciate it if you would leave me an honest rating and review on iTunes at https://realweightlossrealwomen.com/itunes. It will help the show and its ranking in iTunes a lot!

Here’s how to rate and review on iTunes: https://realweightlossrealwomen.com/rate. Thank you and enjoy the show!

Put On Some Socks!

Thursday, October 13th, 2016

I have to admit it; I love Raymond.Put on some socks

I mean, I love ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’.

Every single corny, over-watched, laugh-tracked episode.

With the familiar characters that almost everyone can find some version of in their own families.

It makes me laugh.

So a few nights ago, I watched as Debra and Ray were seeing their priest for some pre-marital counseling.

It seems that Ray was getting a little nervous before taking his vows, and wanted to make sure that Debra really loved him. He worried that in reality, maybe she was a little out of his league.

Well, my favorite line was when Debra yelled at Ray, “I don’t care if you’ve got cold feet. Put on some socks!”

And it made me think: maybe that’s what we all need.

A good old kick in the butt.

A reminder that a little fear isn’t the end.

Do what you need to do and get over it.

So of course I think about my dear clients.

They are brave and smart.

They figuratively climb mountains all the time in their life.

And sometimes they get scared.

But scared doesn’t mean stop.

It means getting help.

It means looking at your thoughts and questioning their validity.

It means tweaking what you are doing.

But it never means, “Stop! Turn around, and go back down that mountain…”

It simply means, “Put on some socks!”

Writing Down Your Weight

Thursday, August 11th, 2016

Writing in JournalIf you’re anything like me, or one of the many women I have coached, you’ve read a weight loss book or two.

Maybe you have shelves and shelves lined with them.

Perhaps they know you, in Barnes and Noble in the Weight Loss section. Or maybe they see you clicking away in amazon.com, the world’s largest virtual bookstore.

Wherever you are, if you’ve read ANY of these books, I’m sure you’ve read the advice ‘Keep a journal’.

Now, you know I’m anti-diet. But that doesn’t mean we can’t learn a thing or two from some of these best sellers.

So, when most weight loss professionals talk about writing things down, they are usually referring to two types of writing.

One, of course, is the old food journal. Some people like it, and many people hate it. What it does is help you become aware of what you’re really doing. Become more mindful.

Left to our own devices, we all think that we eat less than we do, and exercise more than we actually do.

The food journal helps us play detective with our reality.

But the kind of writing I am really talking about here is simply journaling.

Journaling what you are thinking, and feeling.

Why you do the things you do.

It’s how you get to the root of any problem behavior.

And that’s what puts you in the power position to make changes.

So, what’s the big deal about journaling, and why does it work?

When you think about why you’re doing something, and it stays in your head, it’s hard to be objective.

The story in your head sounds like the truth.

The only truth.

But when we take a few minutes and write down what we observe about a troubling situation, it’s like taking your thoughts and downloading them from your head, onto the paper.

Once there, you can examine them. It’s a perfect way of separating yourself from your story.

In your head, it feels like the only possible reality.

On paper, well, it’s just one possibility.

A whole new world of different perspectives suddenly becomes available to you.

It’s like having a deep conversation about you and your situation with someone else, only that someone else is you.

It’s truly amazing.

And the better you get at it, the quicker you will see the truth.

Eventually, you’ll see things clearer even before you write it down.

But seeing things spelled out in black and white, well, there’s just nothing like it.

So next time something is bothering you or you find yourself doing something you know isn’t in your best interest, and you don’t know why, sit down with a pen and paper. (Of course, computer docs work fine, too!)

  • What’s happening?
  • How are you feeling?
  • What were you just thinking?
  • Is there another way to look at this?
  • What would feel right to you at this moment?
  • What do you choose to do?

Don’t tell yourself you have to sit and write daily for an hour.

There is no minimum daily requirement.

This tool is for you.

When you want to feel better.

When you want to get to the bottom of something.

When you know you could be happier.

Isn’t that what we all want?

Can’t Get Started?

Thursday, May 12th, 2016

Swimmers get startedSometimes, the hardest part of getting where you want to go isn’t staying on the path and it isn’t finishing. It’s how to get started.

When I work with private clients, we frequently make a weekly plan of action to get them started on their weight loss journey. This plan might cover areas like eating, movement, mindset, self-care and overcoming any upcoming challenges. Together, we set goals in these areas.

Often my clients will come back the following week with some of their goals accomplished.

Of course, this is good.

Other times, my clients will return to our next session with none of their goals accomplished. They report feeling ‘overwhelmed’ and unable to make any movement at all.

This too, is good.

How can that be?

When you find yourself unable to do what you know you want to do, it could mean several things.

It could mean that you have made your steps too big.

Like trying to go from eating MacDonald’s daily to eating only organic vegan.

While that example seems obvious, many of us set the bar too high, too fast when trying to accomplish anything. We think about what seems reasonable to do and we disregard where we are starting from.

That leads to overwhelm.

And overwhelm leads to inaction.

Being unable to get started can also be looked at as your own personal barometer.

You might even consider it a blessing!

Although it may feel frustrating when you can’t get started on something you want to do, it may be because you have conflicting beliefs about what you are attempting.

When you want to change a habit, think about what you believe about your current habit.

If your main belief about changing that habit is that it’s really hard, and because you’ve never done it before it’s not likely you will succeed, then you will unconsciously work to prove yourself right.

But what’s great about this roadblock is that it gives you a chance to unearth those beliefs that prevent you from getting started, and gives you the opportunity to replace them with beliefs that will help you.

Another possibility that might hold you back from getting started on something that you really want is the payoff you are getting from NOT changing the old habit.

Yes, even with some behavior you really want to change, and are so mad and frustrated with yourself for doing, there’s something you’re getting out of it.

For example, if your goal is to plan your meals and shop so you have what you need in the house when you need it, when you don’t plan and shop, the payoff might be: 1) you get to spend that time doing something else, 2) you get to eat like you have been, without really thinking, or 3) you get to avoid confronting yourself and seeing what comes up when you do something new and uncomfortable.

If you can’t get started on something that you really want, think about these questions:

  • Why do you want this?
  • Is this reason really compelling?
  • How will it make you feel if you can achieve this goal?
  • Does it feel right in your gut?
  • Have you broken your steps down into small enough bites?
  • What beliefs might be holding you back?

Now, take the tiniest, baby step.

That step might be so small that you don’t think it’s worth mentioning.

But it is.

And all those baby steps will add up.

Right now, I hear some mumbling about how long things will take with these tiny baby steps.

Time will pass at the same rate, whether you take these steps or not. But if you do, you will inevitably get where you want to go.

Take one step today.

It’s Time To Wake Up!

Thursday, April 28th, 2016

wake upA while ago I went on my first college visit with my oldest daughter Sara.

Since I attended a city college in New York, this campus visit was a first in many ways. I had never lived in a dorm, nor had I gone through the process of visiting and choosing a school.

I had both my girls later in life, so I am, ahem, an older parent. I know this. I’ve always known this. But it didn’t hit home until I found myself walking on the campus and being surrounded by hordes of young people.

The atmosphere was electrifying.

Everywhere, people were walking purposefully to class, to study, to the library, to meet friends…and all seemed full of energy.

I was suddenly confronted with several significant facts.

My daughter, who, it seems, was only recently a baby, was now applying to colleges and going on job interviews.

Where did the time go?

And somehow, in the process of her rapid advance towards young adulthood, somehow, I had aged. Greatly.

I’ll give you an example.

While Sara was on a campus tour with a friend’s daughter, my husband, I and our younger daughter Sophia went into Urban Outfitters to browse around.

Spying a straw hat, which I thought was perfect for our upcoming spring break, I slipped into an aisle with a mirror, popped on the hat, and for further effect, put on my sunglasses.

As I studied myself in the mirror, thinking, ‘Not bad!’, I sensed someone watching me. I turned my head and found Sophia, my other teen daughter, staring at me.

The look on her face can only be described as “I DON’T KNOW YOU!” Her embarrassment made me laugh. Maybe a little too hysterically.

I didn’t belong.

I didn’t fit into this youthful crowd, in this youthful store, filled with merchandise meant for teens and twenty-somethings.

I could handle that.

I bought the hat anyway.

But for the rest of the day, I felt a strange stirring.

An awakening.

That old cliché about time moving quickly… it was true.

How did I get to be an upcoming empty-nester so quickly? I can honestly remember playing Barney songs in the car!

I still haven’t formed a movie group, gone to New Mexico, taken dance lessons, or become a more adventurous cook. Where did all the time go?

The young people around me walked with purpose. They had the excitement of unlimited futures in front of them.

How had I gone into the trance of life? And was there time to wake up?

Yes!

I took the brief envy I felt and turned it into a wakeup call.

Until the day I no longer wake up, there will always be time.

Every day, I want to remember that today counts.

Every moment counts. Every decision.

I don’t want to fritter away what I have left.

I want to wake up!

Dare To Be Mediocre

Wednesday, March 30th, 2016

mediocreRecently, one of my favorite clients came to me with a bad case of overwhelm. She was in graduate school in an accelerated program, caring for her family, working in her own business and was responsible for all the other little details of life that fill our days to the brim.

She happens to be super-capable, and very smart, so she naturally expected herself to be getting A’s in all her graduate courses.

Naturally.

The problem with this was that it would require enormous amounts of study time that she chose to give to other things, like seeing her kids and her husband and sleeping. Working. Caring for herself. To name a few.

So, what I proposed was what one of my own professors in graduate school proposed to me: Dare to be mediocre.

What! This was the antithesis of everything I believed.

Be your best.

Always do your best.

Strive for excellence.

Never stop trying.

Relax.

I’m not saying ‘Don’t care! Do sloppy work! Whatever!’

(By the way, I’m too old to say ‘whatever!’)

What I am saying and what I had to learn myself is this:

Life is short.

We have to pick and choose where we spend our precious time and attention. If you’d like to learn more about focus and where you choose to put yours, listen to my podcast Weight Loss Made Real, Episode 12, right here. <insert link to that podcast please on my website>

So not everything can net you a perfect result.

The best.

An A+.

For this client, it meant striving for a B+ instead of her usual A.

Does that mean you don’t care about what you produce? Or your route? Or your end result?

NO.

You care very much.

But you are being intentionally picky.

You’re giving yourself permission to do ‘OK’ work in some areas of life.

Sometimes you’ll excel.

Sometimes you won’t.

But I’ll bet if you give yourself this permission to be mediocre sometimes, in some areas, you’ll surely enjoy the journey a lot more.

Try it.

And let me know.

What Will It Take?

Wednesday, March 9th, 2016

What will it take to get to where you want?A while back, the Wall Street Journal had an article that caught my eye, entitled “Second Acts – What do you do for an encore?”

The article profiled four people aged 50 to 65, all of whom completely reinvented themselves at midlife.

One particular woman piqued my attention. Lisa Fisco.

Lisa is a 50 year old woman who spent the first half of her life as a television producer. She’s a single mother who worked hard to make ends meet. Eventually the struggle and stress took its toll on her health.

Her constant exhaustion and pressure triggered her to overeat, and she ended up gaining 100 extra pounds.

Lisa was a former athlete, who used to play soccer and rugby in college. And now her life and her body were almost unrecognizable to her.

So what did she do?

She didn’t join a health club.

She didn’t get a personal trainer.

Or go on a diet.

She decided to train for the Olympic weight-lifting team.

Yes, the Olympics.

As a young girl Lisa loved lifting weights with her dad, and watching the events with him during the Olympic Games.

She researched, found a coach and decided that she would do whatever it took to be in the 2012 Olympics games.

Whatever it took.

She quit her job and took a less demanding job, allowing her time to train five hours a day, five to six days a week.

To say she is committed is such an understatement.

In the process of ongoing training, Lisa lost 100 pounds, and is in the process of losing more to qualify for a lower weight class.

She must win several preliminary competitions to reach her goal of making the Olympic team. If she does, she will be the oldest Olympic weight lifter in the history of the Olympics.

And here are her words: “It’s not that life is so short; it’s just we wait so long to begin.”

And there you have it.

What are you waiting for? What do you dream about?

What have you told yourself is just too hard?

Dreams don’t die, but efforts fade and focus changes.

What will it take for you to be the person you dream of?

To finally lose the extra weight you are carrying around?

To make peace with exactly who you are?

To take steps to create the daily life you long for?

If anyone has ever done what you want to do, then you can too.

But maybe we should take some lessons from Lisa.

  1. It’s never too late to have a second act. Or a third. Or a fourth.
  2. Instead of focusing on how hard things will be, simply say, “What will it take?” and start with baby steps.
  3. Don’t keep putting off what you really want.

All we know for sure is what our reality is right now.

We don’t know what the future holds.

But you can bet that Lisa Fisco looked straight at her reality, and knew that she didn’t want more of the same in her future.

So she simply started with: What will it take?

P.S. This picture is NOT Lisa Fisco. But you get the idea.

Ask Cookie: ‘How Can I Get Myself Back On Track After The Holidays?’

Thursday, January 5th, 2012

Dear Cookie,

Woman writing after the holidays to Ask CookieThe holidays have come and gone and now I’m in the place I’m in every January: trying to lose weight!

I really want to do this, but I’ve learned that making a resolution hasn’t worked for me. At least, not in any lasting way.

I still have hope that I CAN do this, but I don’t know how to begin so that this year, I might actually be successful.

Any ideas?
B.G.

Dear B.G.,

First, I’m so glad you wrote and asked your question, because so many women are wondering the same after the holidays thing.

Also, congratulations on not giving up on yourself. If anyone in the world has permanently lost excess weight, then you know it’s possible for you. So, let’s figure out the “how” part.

After the Holidays: How and Why

Instead of jumping right in to an eating or exercise plan, I’d like you to spend this next week becoming super-aware of what you are doing now.

Why?

Because you can’t make a lasting change in your life if you don’t know your starting point.

I can hear you saying, “But I know my starting point! I weigh _____.  And I’m not comfortable at this weight.”

Well B.G., it’s not enough to look at your number and try to get your body to move to a different number.

The first thing we need to do is figure out how you got here.

Why you weigh _____.

What created this extra weight?

Then, and only then, can we move on to making changes in how you think, how you feel, what you do and how you do it.

If you don’t take the time to discover why you gained weight in the first place, jumping in and losing will get you a very temporary result.

So, I want you to look at three things:

1) As you go through your day and week, notice and WRITE DOWN every little habit you have that is taking you further away from your weight loss goal.

No judgments allowed.

Just notice.

2) Also notice and list any positive habits you have that you’d like to do more of. (I know you have some!) What are you doing that if you increased and expanded, would take you in the right direction?

3) And last, what are some positive habits you currently aren’t doing at all, but know that if you added them into your life, change would happen?

Start here.

Don’t just think about this.

Go through a week and write it down.

Our next steps will help you take action on what you’ve discovered.

More to come.

xoxo,

Cookie

What My Dog Henry Taught Me About Weight Loss

Thursday, February 17th, 2011

weight lossSome time ago, my family and I drove a couple of hours to Kokomo, Indiana to an animal shelter. We were looking for a dog to adopt.

Now, let me give you some background information. We were not exactly new pet owners. Henry, who we adopted that day, was to be our fifth dog.

Through the past 17 years, we had been family to four other dogs. For various reasons, these dogs ‘didn’t work out.’

For years, I thought there was something wrong with us. Why couldn’t we be like so many other American families and accomplish something as simple as having a dog be a part of our family?

I felt actual shame.

First, there was the giant Shepherd, Kojack. Kojack came from a rural area, where he was used to chasing small animals. Unfortunately, now in the city of Chicago, Kojack still chased small animals. I remember being pregnant and running desperately through the streets chasing after Kojack, who was chasing anything that moved. This happened too many times. It was dangerous for him to run through the traffic-filled streets and equally dangerous for me to run after him. Kojack was moved to another family, in the country.

Next came Bella. Bella was another large Shepherd. By the time we got Bella, we had two small children and a house in the suburbs. Bella was a bit high strung. One day, while the girls were watching television, she came up behind my youngest daughter and bit her on the shoulder. I later learned that she was letting her know who the alpha dog was, but oops, this just wouldn’t work. I could no longer leave the dog and the girls alone, even for a minute. Bella had to go. We found her another home.

Fast forward a few years. Still hopeful that we could be a dog family, we found a little Shelty. We now lived in our current house in suburban Fort Wayne, Indiana. Rusty was cute, but again, nipped and seriously growled at my youngest, Sophia.

Since my commitment to Sophia was for life, unfortunately Rusty was toast. We gave him back to the shelter. To say they weren’t happy with us was a major understatement.

Again, I felt like a failure.

No more dogs, I vowed. I guess we’re just not cut out to be dog owners.

Somehow, I never gave up the dream totally. In the back of my mind, I always wondered what was different about those other successful dog owners. And how about the ones who had several pets? What did they know that I didn’t?

A couple of years passed, and my kids were begging for a dog again. Wanting to please them and secretly please myself too, I looked in the paper and found a family with yellow Lab puppies for sale. ‘Let’s just look’, I said. But in my heart, I was hoping something had changed. That maybe this time it would work.

Sunny was a gorgeous puppy. Who did all the normal, trying puppy things that drive you crazy. Ok, I can deal with this (I said this to myself on a daily basis). Sunny dug up our garden, ate rocks, and needed several surgeries for eating rocks, underwear, and ANYTHING lying on the floor. She threw up daily. I couldn’t handle it.

By now I was beaten down. I truly believed there was something wrong with me. I was the only person in this country who couldn’t have a dog and still have a normal life.

We gave Sunny to our vet who gave her a home with a friend of his, where else? In the country.

So when we drove to Kokomo last July, it was with a lot of trepidation. I was a four time failure. I couldn’t do what most ‘normal’ people do without even thinking.

And then we found Henry. Henry isn’t a purebred. He’s a funny little dachshund-terrier mix. He barks at strangers. He jumps about three feet high to get food. But he is a perfect fit for our family.

Thank goodness I didn’t let my past ‘failures’ prevent me from meeting Henry. He has brought a lot of joy to my life.

So, finally, how can this little funny-looking furry boy possibly relate to weight loss?

  • I never gave up hope.
  • I knew if other people had made it work, then so could I.
  • There wasn’t anything wrong with me… I had the wrong dogs for our family.

So… if you have tried weight loss in the past, and have not had the success you wish for, if you have lost weight only to regain it, don’t give up hope.

It’s very possible that you just tried the wrong methods for weight loss.

Like diets.

It’s not you, it’s the diets.

And it’s important to know, that for you, for your health, and for your spirit, you should never give up.

You just need to find what works for YOUR weight loss.