Posts Tagged ‘no judgement’

Be THE Best? Or Be YOUR Best?

Wednesday, September 27th, 2017

Be your bestWhat’s the difference?

Well, when you want to be the best, you push yourself.

You compare yourself to what others are doing.

You decide where you fit in on the curve.

And you take actions based on your position.

(Sometimes you take NO actions based on your position!)

You also judge your worth based on that position.

Could striving to be THE best push you to leave your comfort zone and achieve a lot?

Maybe.

But it is hard to define.

And by definition, there’s only one in each category.

So, what does that make you if you’re not THE best?

Now, what if, instead, you strove to be YOUR best?

You push yourself.

You set goals.

You move out of your comfort zone

You don’t compare yourself to others.

You don’t measure yourself on the curve.

And you certainly don’t judge yourself based on your position.

BUT, you grow.

You move.

You change.

And your only comparison is YOU to YOU.

I don’t know about you, but to me, that feels a whole lot friendlier and more supportive.

Me? I’m going to work to be MY best.

The heck with being THE best.

What’s Blocking Your Goals?

Wednesday, July 12th, 2017

My clients, and in fact most people I know, frequently set goals.

For all kinds of things they want to achieve.

Sometimes they achieve their goals.

They make plans, they think the right thoughts, and take the right actions.

But sometimes, they don’t reach their goals.

And often, it’s because their goals are running smack into their belief systems, and there’s a conflict.

goals

So, what’s the way around this?

Do you work harder, longer or faster?

Do you make more plans, bigger plans or different plans?

Maybe you need to take more actions?

Nope.

It’s none of the above.

First you need to look at your beliefs.

See what they are.

Is there a conflict between what you want and what you believe?

If there is, that work – the work of examining and perhaps changing some of your beliefs, that must come first.

If you want more close relationships, but one of your core beliefs is that you are unlovable, it won’t be easy.

If you want to earn more money but hold the belief that good people don’t care about money, it won’t happen.

Or, if you want a vibrant, healthy body, but you secretly believe that self-care is selfish, you may correctly guess that getting fit will be an uphill battle.

The funny thing is, we all have core beliefs that guide our lives.

We’re just not aware of them.

So, before you set those goals, before you go down the road of glory and achievement, pause.

Spend some time figuring out your deep beliefs.

Look at them and decide whether they serve you.

Deal with them if they don’t.

Then move towards your goals.

Now you’ve got a good shot at reaching them.

Episode 63: Why You Don’t Look in a Full-Length Mirror – and Why You Should

Tuesday, March 14th, 2017

Episode 63: Why You Don’t Look in a Full-Length Mirror – and Why You Should

Do you own a full-length mirror? If you do, do you actually use it?

If you have extra weight you wish you didn’t have, I’ll bet you avoid seeing the reality of how your body looks right now.

Full-Length Mirror podcast 63

When your vision of yourself is a bit fuzzy, you know that you’re not where you want to be, but you may avoid seeing exactly how off track you’ve gotten.

Then one day, you may be shopping for clothes, and may be unable to avoid a mirror. Full-length.

And that is when your reality meets your vision in your head and everything busts loose. Figuratively speaking, of course.

I want you to be able to see yourself no matter what you weigh.

Seeing and even accepting your body today is the key to a different body in the future. I promise.

Let me coach you and show you how to deal with how you look. All of you.

Talk with Cookie

Make sure you get your FREE copy of my BOOK, Clearing Your Path to Permanent Weight Loss, plus other gifts. Get them here: http://weightlossmadereal.com/gifts

THE FREEDOM COACHING GROUP: If you’ve ever dreamed about having your own personal coach to work on your eating with you, you’re closer than you think. My coaching group is happening now! It’s super affordable, supportive, and an amazing resource if you struggle with overeating, emotional eating or binge eating. Take all you’re learning here on the podcast and go to the next level. Click here: http://weightlossmadereal.com/group to get all the details and join our group Weight Loss Made Real: The Freedom Group. Because really, isn’t freedom what we all want? I hope to see you in the group!

I always welcome your letters. You may email me at cookie@realweightlossrealwomen.com

I’d so appreciate it if you would leave me an honest rating and review on iTunes at http://realweightlossrealwomen.com/itunes. It will help the show and its ranking in iTunes a lot! How to rate and review on iTunes: http://realweightlossrealwomen.com/rate. Thank you and enjoy the show!

Episode 48: Tough Love: You Are Not Your Weight!

Tuesday, November 29th, 2016

Episode 48: Tough Love: You Are Not Your Weight!

Join me today for a tough love session.

You are not your weight podcast 48

I want you to know how small your weight is in the big picture of you. Of who you really are.

I know how much you worry about the number on the scale. And I know how you think you’ll be happy someday… when the scale tells you it’s okay.

Enough!

I will show you how to think about your weight and be happy right now. If you learn how to be happy no matter what your weight is right now, then your weight loss journey will be so much easier.

And here’s the thing:

There are so many more important and interesting things about you… much more compelling than what you weigh.

Join me and allow yourself to see things in a different way. Together we can do this.

Make sure you get your FREE copy of my BOOK, Clearing Your Path to Permanent Weight Loss, plus other gifts. Get them here: http://weightlossmadereal.com/gifts

If you are ready to take your weight loss and eating issues to the next level, it’s time to talk with me. Visit http://www.weightlossmadereal.com/talk for a free consultation with Cookie and find out if coaching is the solution to your struggle.

THE FREEDOM COACHING GROUP: If you’ve ever dreamed about having your own personal coach to work on your eating with you, you’re closer than you think. My coaching group is happening now! It’s super affordable, supportive, and an amazing resource if you struggle with overeating, emotional eating or binge eating. Take all you’re learning here on the podcast and go to the next level. Click here: http://weightlossmadereal.com/group to get all the details and join our group Weight Loss Made Real: The Freedom Group. Because really, isn’t freedom what we all want? I hope to see you in the group!

I always welcome your letters. You may email me at cookie@realweightlossrealwomen.com

I’d so appreciate it if you would leave me an honest rating and review on iTunes at http://realweightlossrealwomen.com/itunes. It will help the show and its ranking in iTunes a lot! How to rate and review on iTunes: http://realweightlossrealwomen.com/rate. Thank you and enjoy the show!

Ep 38 Want to Lose Weight? Let’s Look at the Patterns that Caused You to Gain It — Part 2 of 2

Tuesday, September 20th, 2016

Episode 38: Want to Lose Weight? Let’s Look at the Patterns that Caused You to Gain It. Part 2 of 2

I know you’ve struggled. I know you don’t totally get why you can’t lose this weight.

But I do know how you can permanently lose the weight AND lose the whole problem.

patterns podcast 38

The answer: let me coach you and show you your patterns. Let’s take a good, deep look at how you got here, so you’re never in this position again.

Here’s what we’ll cover together in this episode:

  • Why it’s important to shine the light on your patterns: no more secrets!
  • No one does everything wrong, including you. But I’ll bet you lump all your failures together, and I’ll show you how to stop doing that.
  • Let’s move your focus from what went wrong to what you do right. (I’ll show you that there ARE things you do right!)
  • What have you been doing that you know you should do more of?
  • What habits do you have that you know you want to drop?
  • And what are you doing that you’d like to do less of?
  • Why knowing your patterns creates your own personal GPS, and let’s you create a perfect path to what you want.
  • How to create a personal plan for yourself, because generic plans don’t work.

You can do this. And figuring out what went wrong is the first step to doing things different.

Join me in this coaching session. Let’s do this!

Here is the worksheet mentioned in the episode: Discovering Your Patterns.

THE FREEDOM COACHING GROUP: If you’ve ever dreamed about having your own personal coach to work on your eating with you, you’re closer than you think. My coaching group is happening now! It’s super affordable, supportive, and an amazing resource if you struggle with overeating, emotional eating or binge eating. Take all you’re learning here on the podcast and go to the next level. Click here: http://weightlossmadereal.com/group to get all the details and join our group Weight Loss Made Real: The Freedom Group. Because really, isn’t freedom what we all want? I hope to see you in the group!

Make sure you get your FREE copy of my BOOK, Clearing Your Path to Permanent Weight Loss, plus other gifts. Get them here: http://weightlossmadereal.com/gifts

If you are ready to take your weight loss and eating issues to the next level, it’s time to talk with me. Visit http://www.weightlossmadereal.com/talk for a free consultation with Cookie and find out if coaching is the solution to your struggle.

I always welcome your letters. You may email me at cookie@realweightlossrealwomen.com

I’d so appreciate it if you would leave me an honest rating and review on iTunes at http://realweightlossrealwomen.com/itunes. It will help the show and its ranking in iTunes a lot! How to rate and review on iTunes: http://realweightlossrealwomen.com/rate. Thank you and enjoy the show!

Ep 37 Want to Lose Weight? Let’s Figure Out Why You Gained It First — Part I of 2

Tuesday, September 13th, 2016

Episode 37: Want to Lose Weight? Let’s Figure Out Why You Gained It First. Part I of 2

All my clients are in a big hurry to get to their weight goal. They don’t want to waste a moment; they just want to get to the end.

I tell them the words they need to hear but definitely don’t want to hear. Those words: slow down!

gained podcast 37

If you don’t slow down and take a peek in the rear-view mirror, you’ll never learn how you ended up where you are, how you gained the weight.

And then you’ll be doomed to keep repeating your patterns.

Here’s what you’ll learn in this coaching session, the first of a two-part series:

  • Exactly why you need to look at your past weight and eating history.
  • Why your weight right now is exactly where it should be.
  • How to look at your weight and fact the facts, and not create drama about it.
  • Your weight today is no mystery… and why that’s a good thing.
  • What patterns led you to today?
  • Did you deal with your moods in the past with food?
  • Was your motivation lagging?
  • Did you have a strong vision of what you wanted?
  • Do you know how to pick yourself up when you inevitably fall down?
  • Did restriction and deprivation hold you back?
  • Are you a perfectionist? Perfectionism and weight loss don’t mix!

Let me help you figure out what went wrong so you don’t repeat it again.

You did the best you could in the past. But now, let me show you how to do better.

Here are the two worksheets mentioned in the episode: The Miracle Question and Creating My End Game.

THE FREEDOM COACHING GROUP: If you’ve ever dreamed about having your own personal coach to work on your eating with you, you’re closer than you think. My coaching group is happening now! It’s super affordable, supportive, and an amazing resource if you struggle with overeating, emotional eating or binge eating. Take all you’re learning here on the podcast and go to the next level. Click here: http://weightlossmadereal.com/group to get all the details and join our group Weight Loss Made Real: The Freedom Group. Because really, isn’t freedom what we all want? I hope to see you in the group!

Make sure you get your FREE copy of my BOOK, Clearing Your Path to Permanent Weight Loss, plus other gifts. Get them here: http://weightlossmadereal.com/gifts

If you are ready to take your weight loss and eating issues to the next level, it’s time to talk with me. Visit http://www.weightlossmadereal.com/talk for a free consultation with Cookie and find out if coaching is the solution to your struggle.

I always welcome your letters. You may email me at cookie@realweightlossrealwomen.com

I’d so appreciate it if you would leave me an honest rating and review on iTunes at http://realweightlossrealwomen.com/itunes. It will help the show and its ranking in iTunes a lot! How to rate and review on iTunes: http://realweightlossrealwomen.com/rate. Thank you and enjoy the show!

Ep 35 Losing the Weight AND Losing the Struggle

Tuesday, August 30th, 2016

Episode 35: Losing the Weight AND Losing the Struggle

Imagine this: You’re in the process of losing weight, or perhaps you have already lost weight and now want to maintain it.

And now you find yourself worrying about situations like going to a restaurant, or a party.

Does it feel like a constant struggle?

Losing Weight Struggle Podcast 35

Losing weight and maintaining it, and changing your eating habits doesn’t have to be so hard. It should not feel like you are constantly hanging by a thread.

And I will show you how to live so it’s not so hard.

In this episode I will coach you and teach you:

  • Why you may constantly struggle.
  • What your fears may turn into if you don’t get control of them.
  • What you need to focus on to make your new way of eating a simple, sustainable habit.
  • The five foundational skills that will help you in any eating situation.
  • What happens when you develop, cultivate and grow these foundational skills.
  • And, your first step toward mastering these skills.

You can be anywhere, do anything, and be with anyone, and not be worried or struggle with how it will affect your eating.

Get comfy and grab a notepad… you might want to write some of these concepts down. Let’s dive in!

THE FREEDOM COACHING GROUP: If you’ve ever dreamed about having your own personal coach to work on your eating with you, you’re closer than you think. My coaching group is happening now! It’s super affordable, supportive, and an amazing resource if you struggle with overeating, emotional eating or binge eating. Take all you’re learning here on the podcast and go to the next level. Click here: http://weightlossmadereal.com/group to get all the details and join our group Weight Loss Made Real: The Freedom Group. Because really, isn’t freedom what we all want? I hope to see you in the group!

Make sure you get your FREE copy of my BOOK, Clearing Your Path to Permanent Weight Loss, plus other gifts. Get them here: http://weightlossmadereal.com/gifts

If you are ready to take your weight loss and eating issues to the next level, it’s time to talk with me. Visit http://www.weightlossmadereal.com/talk for a free consultation with Cookie and find out if coaching is the solution to your struggle. You may also email me at cookie@realweightlossrealwomen.com

I’d so appreciate it if you would leave me an honest rating and review on iTunes at http://realweightlossrealwomen.com/itunes. It will help the show and its ranking in iTunes a lot! How to rate and review on iTunes: http://realweightlossrealwomen.com/rate. Thank you and enjoy the show!

Writing Down Your Weight

Thursday, August 11th, 2016

Writing in JournalIf you’re anything like me, or one of the many women I have coached, you’ve read a weight loss book or two.

Maybe you have shelves and shelves lined with them.

Perhaps they know you, in Barnes and Noble in the Weight Loss section. Or maybe they see you clicking away in amazon.com, the world’s largest virtual bookstore.

Wherever you are, if you’ve read ANY of these books, I’m sure you’ve read the advice ‘Keep a journal’.

Now, you know I’m anti-diet. But that doesn’t mean we can’t learn a thing or two from some of these best sellers.

So, when most weight loss professionals talk about writing things down, they are usually referring to two types of writing.

One, of course, is the old food journal. Some people like it, and many people hate it. What it does is help you become aware of what you’re really doing. Become more mindful.

Left to our own devices, we all think that we eat less than we do, and exercise more than we actually do.

The food journal helps us play detective with our reality.

But the kind of writing I am really talking about here is simply journaling.

Journaling what you are thinking, and feeling.

Why you do the things you do.

It’s how you get to the root of any problem behavior.

And that’s what puts you in the power position to make changes.

So, what’s the big deal about journaling, and why does it work?

When you think about why you’re doing something, and it stays in your head, it’s hard to be objective.

The story in your head sounds like the truth.

The only truth.

But when we take a few minutes and write down what we observe about a troubling situation, it’s like taking your thoughts and downloading them from your head, onto the paper.

Once there, you can examine them. It’s a perfect way of separating yourself from your story.

In your head, it feels like the only possible reality.

On paper, well, it’s just one possibility.

A whole new world of different perspectives suddenly becomes available to you.

It’s like having a deep conversation about you and your situation with someone else, only that someone else is you.

It’s truly amazing.

And the better you get at it, the quicker you will see the truth.

Eventually, you’ll see things clearer even before you write it down.

But seeing things spelled out in black and white, well, there’s just nothing like it.

So next time something is bothering you or you find yourself doing something you know isn’t in your best interest, and you don’t know why, sit down with a pen and paper. (Of course, computer docs work fine, too!)

  • What’s happening?
  • How are you feeling?
  • What were you just thinking?
  • Is there another way to look at this?
  • What would feel right to you at this moment?
  • What do you choose to do?

Don’t tell yourself you have to sit and write daily for an hour.

There is no minimum daily requirement.

This tool is for you.

When you want to feel better.

When you want to get to the bottom of something.

When you know you could be happier.

Isn’t that what we all want?

Have You Plateaued?

Thursday, June 23rd, 2016

plateauThe dictionary defines plateau as: to reach a state of little or no growth or decline, to stop increasing or progressing, or to remain at a stable level of achievement.

To many of my clients, the word plateau is a dreaded word.

It implies lack of movement, specifically movement towards their most desired goal… weight loss.

In your career, you might look at the level you’ve reached in your organization, wanting to move up and feeling stymied where you are.

In a relationship, a love relationship, think of the woman who believes all things should keep moving forward.

Toward marriage.

And perhaps her partner is happy to stay where he is.

When this stability happens, and we’re not where we envision ending up, we brainstorm and plan to ‘attack’ this plateau… bust through it, conquer it, and FORCE some movement.

But what if a plateau was a good thing?

What if a plateau was a gift?

Why not look at this lack of movement as a chance to regroup, to assess where you are, and to review where you want to go?

And just be there.

In the plateau.

Maybe it’s a time to get used to the movement you’ve already made.

Maybe it’s a time to breathe in your progress so far.

To make it a part of you.

Your new normal.

And from this new normal, more change may be possible.

I think, when you’re making changes and growing, whether it’s your body or your relationships, you make these changes in steps.

And when you plateau, you’ve reached a step.

Instead of panicking and beating yourself forward, stop.

Just stop and be where you are.

From this point, from this peaceful place, you can decide.

To change your actions.

To think differently about your goals.

Maybe even to change your goals.

Maybe you will decide to keep moving forward.

Maybe not.

The plateau is the universe’s way of saying to us, “Pause. You’re at this stage of your evolution. Take it in. Then you can decide.”

Can’t Get Started?

Thursday, May 12th, 2016

Swimmers get startedSometimes, the hardest part of getting where you want to go isn’t staying on the path and it isn’t finishing. It’s how to get started.

When I work with private clients, we frequently make a weekly plan of action to get them started on their weight loss journey. This plan might cover areas like eating, movement, mindset, self-care and overcoming any upcoming challenges. Together, we set goals in these areas.

Often my clients will come back the following week with some of their goals accomplished.

Of course, this is good.

Other times, my clients will return to our next session with none of their goals accomplished. They report feeling ‘overwhelmed’ and unable to make any movement at all.

This too, is good.

How can that be?

When you find yourself unable to do what you know you want to do, it could mean several things.

It could mean that you have made your steps too big.

Like trying to go from eating MacDonald’s daily to eating only organic vegan.

While that example seems obvious, many of us set the bar too high, too fast when trying to accomplish anything. We think about what seems reasonable to do and we disregard where we are starting from.

That leads to overwhelm.

And overwhelm leads to inaction.

Being unable to get started can also be looked at as your own personal barometer.

You might even consider it a blessing!

Although it may feel frustrating when you can’t get started on something you want to do, it may be because you have conflicting beliefs about what you are attempting.

When you want to change a habit, think about what you believe about your current habit.

If your main belief about changing that habit is that it’s really hard, and because you’ve never done it before it’s not likely you will succeed, then you will unconsciously work to prove yourself right.

But what’s great about this roadblock is that it gives you a chance to unearth those beliefs that prevent you from getting started, and gives you the opportunity to replace them with beliefs that will help you.

Another possibility that might hold you back from getting started on something that you really want is the payoff you are getting from NOT changing the old habit.

Yes, even with some behavior you really want to change, and are so mad and frustrated with yourself for doing, there’s something you’re getting out of it.

For example, if your goal is to plan your meals and shop so you have what you need in the house when you need it, when you don’t plan and shop, the payoff might be: 1) you get to spend that time doing something else, 2) you get to eat like you have been, without really thinking, or 3) you get to avoid confronting yourself and seeing what comes up when you do something new and uncomfortable.

If you can’t get started on something that you really want, think about these questions:

  • Why do you want this?
  • Is this reason really compelling?
  • How will it make you feel if you can achieve this goal?
  • Does it feel right in your gut?
  • Have you broken your steps down into small enough bites?
  • What beliefs might be holding you back?

Now, take the tiniest, baby step.

That step might be so small that you don’t think it’s worth mentioning.

But it is.

And all those baby steps will add up.

Right now, I hear some mumbling about how long things will take with these tiny baby steps.

Time will pass at the same rate, whether you take these steps or not. But if you do, you will inevitably get where you want to go.

Take one step today.