Posts Tagged ‘accept flaws’

Episode 63: Why You Don’t Look in a Full-Length Mirror – and Why You Should

Tuesday, March 14th, 2017

Episode 63: Why You Don’t Look in a Full-Length Mirror – and Why You Should

Do you own a full-length mirror? If you do, do you actually use it?

If you have extra weight you wish you didn’t have, I’ll bet you avoid seeing the reality of how your body looks right now.

Full-Length Mirror podcast 63

When your vision of yourself is a bit fuzzy, you know that you’re not where you want to be, but you may avoid seeing exactly how off track you’ve gotten.

Then one day, you may be shopping for clothes, and may be unable to avoid a mirror. Full-length.

And that is when your reality meets your vision in your head and everything busts loose. Figuratively speaking, of course.

I want you to be able to see yourself no matter what you weigh.

Seeing and even accepting your body today is the key to a different body in the future. I promise.

Let me coach you and show you how to deal with how you look. All of you.

Talk with Cookie

Make sure you get your FREE copy of my BOOK, Clearing Your Path to Permanent Weight Loss, plus other gifts. Get them here: http://weightlossmadereal.com/gifts

THE FREEDOM COACHING GROUP: If you’ve ever dreamed about having your own personal coach to work on your eating with you, you’re closer than you think. My coaching group is happening now! It’s super affordable, supportive, and an amazing resource if you struggle with overeating, emotional eating or binge eating. Take all you’re learning here on the podcast and go to the next level. Click here: http://weightlossmadereal.com/group to get all the details and join our group Weight Loss Made Real: The Freedom Group. Because really, isn’t freedom what we all want? I hope to see you in the group!

I always welcome your letters. You may email me at cookie@realweightlossrealwomen.com

I’d so appreciate it if you would leave me an honest rating and review on iTunes at http://realweightlossrealwomen.com/itunes. It will help the show and its ranking in iTunes a lot! How to rate and review on iTunes: http://realweightlossrealwomen.com/rate. Thank you and enjoy the show!

Episode 58: Want Weight Loss? Aim for Imperfection!

Tuesday, February 7th, 2017

Episode 58: Want Weight Loss? Aim for Imperfection!

I can just hear you now. No. No. I can’t aim for imperfection. I’m different. I’m special. I’m always at the head of the class. I HAVE to do things perfectly.

Imperfection podcast 58

How much of your life does binge eating consume? If you want your life back, we know exactly what you need to do. And, you can do this. Find out more here.

My dear listener, no, you don’t. Your perfectionism is holding you back from doing great things.

Learning new ways to eat and feel and think all take practice. Just like a baby learning how to walk.

I know you’re special. But you still have to go through the learning curve. And that means doing things imperfectly.

And then practicing and practicing until you do them really, really well.

Let me coach you. Let me show you why you wish for that A+. And what learning really means. And specifically what’s required to learn new ways to eat and think.

And then we can talk about why learning new eating skills MUST be imperfect. And, exactly what steps to take.

And last, I will coach you and show you how to keep moving, and not stop and give up, right through imperfection.

B- anyone? Join me. It will be good.

Make sure you get your FREE copy of my BOOK, Clearing Your Path to Permanent Weight Loss, plus other gifts. Get them here: http://weightlossmadereal.com/gifts

THE FREEDOM COACHING GROUP: If you’ve ever dreamed about having your own personal coach to work on your eating with you, you’re closer than you think. My coaching group is happening now! It’s super affordable, supportive, and an amazing resource if you struggle with overeating, emotional eating or binge eating. Take all you’re learning here on the podcast and go to the next level. Click here: http://weightlossmadereal.com/group to get all the details and join our group Weight Loss Made Real: The Freedom Group. Because really, isn’t freedom what we all want? I hope to see you in the group!

If you are ready to take your weight loss and eating issues to the next level, it’s time to talk with me. Visit http://www.weightlossmadereal.com/talk for a free consultation with Cookie and find out if private coaching is the solution to your struggle.

I always welcome your letters. You may email me at cookie@realweightlossrealwomen.com

I’d so appreciate it if you would leave me an honest rating and review on iTunes at http://realweightlossrealwomen.com/itunes. It will help the show and its ranking in iTunes a lot! How to rate and review on iTunes: http://realweightlossrealwomen.com/rate. Thank you and enjoy the show!

Goin’ Gray!

Thursday, December 15th, 2016

Woman coloring her hair to remove grayAllow me to clarify for a moment here.

The hair coloring process of Cookie Rosenblum will not be stopping anytime soon.

Nope. Covering my gray hairs will continue indefinitely.

The gray I’m talking about is beneath my crowning glory. And yours too.

It’s your mindset.

You know how you (and a million others) may have a tiny tendency to think in black and white?

Here’s how it goes:

  • You see yourself as either a good person or a terrible person.
  • Either you’re on a strict diet or eating everything that doesn’t have a pulse.
  • You might be glued to your couch eating chips, or you find yourself training for a marathon.

Sound familiar?

Well, here’s the deal.

Nothing is all good.

Or all bad.

Especially not you.

Striving to be all good all the time is guaranteed to do nothing but make you feel bad about yourself.

And why would you want to do that?

Conversely, telling yourself you’re a terrible person because something you tried wasn’t perfect puts you down that slippery slope of self-judgment.

Neither extreme works.

Neither extreme feels good.

So, go for gray.

Be okay with being just okay.

And know that being okay doesn’t mean giving up, not trying at all, or doing your worst.

It means, simply, that sometimes it’s okay to just do okay.

Not great.

Not terrible.

But okay is okay.

Ep 30 Why Better is the New Perfect When It Comes to Weight Loss

Tuesday, July 26th, 2016

Episode 30: Why Better is the New Perfect When It Comes to Weight Loss

Do you aim for perfect? Or do you aim to do things better than you’ve been doing them?

If you aim to be better, you’re in luck! Aiming to be better is the proven way to make changes in your life.

Better is the New Perfect Podcast 30

Today’s podcast will coach and teach you how to develop a winning mindset that will help you achieve your eating goals, whether it’s to end your emotional eating, bust through your binges, or leave your overeating in the dust.

Pull up a cozy chair and listen as I coach you on:

  • Why you may unconsciously aim for perfection and why it is doomed to backfire.
  • How trying to be perfect in what you do will lead you to quitting.
  • The goal you should have when you start any project (hint: to learn!)
  • What is a mindset, anyway?
  • The difference, according to Carol Dweck, between a fixed and a growth mindset.
  • The big advantages of adopting a growth mindset, ASAP!
  • How your eating challenges can be resolved and the best way to resolve them.
  • What happens when you face a challenge, or hit a roadblock, or get criticism about yourself or something you’re doing?
  • How and why you can and should consciously change how you view the world, and how you view yourself.
  • Why judging yourself for how you’ve been thinking up to this point is pointless and harmful.

Join me on the Weight Loss Made Real Podcast to learn all about that fascinating mind of yours, and how you can use it to get the results you want, in your life, and in your body.

THE FREEDOM COACHING GROUP: If you’ve ever dreamed about having your own personal coach to work on your eating with you, you’re closer than you think. My coaching group is happening now! It’s super affordable, supportive, and an amazing resource if you struggle with overeating, emotional eating or binge eating. Take all you’re learning here on the podcast and go to the next level. Click here: http://weightlossmadereal.com/group to get all the details and join our group Weight Loss Made Real: The Freedom Group. Because really, isn’t freedom what we all want? I hope to see you in the group!

Make sure you get your FREE copy of my BOOK, Clearing Your Path to Permanent Weight Loss, plus other gifts. Get them here: http://realweightlossrealwomen.com/free-gifts/

If you are ready to take your weight loss and eating issues to the next level, it’s time to talk with me. Visit http://www.weightlossmadereal.com/talk for a free consultation with Cookie and find out if coaching is the solution to your struggle. You may also email me at cookie@realweightlossrealwomen.com

I’d so appreciate it if you would leave me an honest rating and review on iTunes at http://realweightlossrealwomen.com/itunes. It will help the show and its ranking in iTunes a lot! How to rate and review on iTunes: http://realweightlossrealwomen.com/rate. Thank you and enjoy the show!

Can’t Get Started?

Thursday, May 12th, 2016

Swimmers get startedSometimes, the hardest part of getting where you want to go isn’t staying on the path and it isn’t finishing. It’s how to get started.

When I work with private clients, we frequently make a weekly plan of action to get them started on their weight loss journey. This plan might cover areas like eating, movement, mindset, self-care and overcoming any upcoming challenges. Together, we set goals in these areas.

Often my clients will come back the following week with some of their goals accomplished.

Of course, this is good.

Other times, my clients will return to our next session with none of their goals accomplished. They report feeling ‘overwhelmed’ and unable to make any movement at all.

This too, is good.

How can that be?

When you find yourself unable to do what you know you want to do, it could mean several things.

It could mean that you have made your steps too big.

Like trying to go from eating MacDonald’s daily to eating only organic vegan.

While that example seems obvious, many of us set the bar too high, too fast when trying to accomplish anything. We think about what seems reasonable to do and we disregard where we are starting from.

That leads to overwhelm.

And overwhelm leads to inaction.

Being unable to get started can also be looked at as your own personal barometer.

You might even consider it a blessing!

Although it may feel frustrating when you can’t get started on something you want to do, it may be because you have conflicting beliefs about what you are attempting.

When you want to change a habit, think about what you believe about your current habit.

If your main belief about changing that habit is that it’s really hard, and because you’ve never done it before it’s not likely you will succeed, then you will unconsciously work to prove yourself right.

But what’s great about this roadblock is that it gives you a chance to unearth those beliefs that prevent you from getting started, and gives you the opportunity to replace them with beliefs that will help you.

Another possibility that might hold you back from getting started on something that you really want is the payoff you are getting from NOT changing the old habit.

Yes, even with some behavior you really want to change, and are so mad and frustrated with yourself for doing, there’s something you’re getting out of it.

For example, if your goal is to plan your meals and shop so you have what you need in the house when you need it, when you don’t plan and shop, the payoff might be: 1) you get to spend that time doing something else, 2) you get to eat like you have been, without really thinking, or 3) you get to avoid confronting yourself and seeing what comes up when you do something new and uncomfortable.

If you can’t get started on something that you really want, think about these questions:

  • Why do you want this?
  • Is this reason really compelling?
  • How will it make you feel if you can achieve this goal?
  • Does it feel right in your gut?
  • Have you broken your steps down into small enough bites?
  • What beliefs might be holding you back?

Now, take the tiniest, baby step.

That step might be so small that you don’t think it’s worth mentioning.

But it is.

And all those baby steps will add up.

Right now, I hear some mumbling about how long things will take with these tiny baby steps.

Time will pass at the same rate, whether you take these steps or not. But if you do, you will inevitably get where you want to go.

Take one step today.

Ep 14 You Need to Stop Hating Yourself in Order to Lose Your Extra Weight

Tuesday, April 5th, 2016

Episode 14: You Need to Stop Hating Yourself in Order to Lose Your Extra Weight

Stop Hating Yourself Podcast 14

You want to lose weight. You want to stop your bingeing. And you definitely want to stop eating emotionally.

But wait, before you can do those things, there is one thing you MUST do.

And that is to stop the hating, the bashing and the name calling.

THE FREEDOM COACHING GROUP: If you’ve ever dreamed about having your own personal coach to work on your eating with you, you’re closer than you think. My coaching group is happening now! It’s super affordable, supportive, and an amazing resource if you struggle with overeating, emotional eating or binge eating. Take all you’re learning here on the podcast and go to the next level. Click here: http://weightlossmadereal.com/group to get all the details and join our group Weight Loss Made Real: The Freedom Group. Because really, isn’t freedom what we all want? I hope to see you in the group!

That’s right! I’m talking to you, about those secret, internal conversations you have with yourself that leave you feeling terrible.

And they make it impossible for you to take constructive steps to change the way you eat.

Are you with me? Here’s our coaching conversation about how to stop hating yourself so you can move on and do what you most desire:

  • How does your self-hate show up? What does it sound like for you?
  • Why do you do it when it feels so bad?
  • What’s the big deal if you talk not-so-nicely to yourself?
  • If you need to feel better so you can do better, how exactly do you do this?
  • What if your negative thoughts about yourself keep on coming?
  • Do you think you’ll feel better AFTER you lose the weight?
  • Why do the hateful thoughts about yourself feel so real?

Changing how you feel about yourself at your current weight, with your current eating habits is something you can do. Definitely. 100%.

Trying to make changes while hating your weight and your body and the way you eat will definitely get in the way. Let me show you how to change this and stop hating yourself, so you can move forward. Peacefully.

Make sure you get your FREE copy of my BOOK, Clearing Your Path to Permanent Weight Loss. Get it here: http://www.weightlossmadereal.com/book

If you are ready to take your weight loss and eating issues to the next level, it’s time to talk with me. Visit http://www.weightlossmadereal.com/talk for a free consultation with Cookie and find out if coaching is the solution to your struggle.

I’d so appreciate it if you would leave me an honest rating and review on iTunes at http://realweightlossrealwomen.com/itunes. It will help the show and its ranking in iTunes a lot! How to rate and review on iTunes: http://realweightlossrealwomen.com/rate. Thank you and enjoy the show!

Dare To Be Mediocre

Wednesday, March 30th, 2016

 

mediocre

 

Recently, one of my favorite clients came to me with a bad case of overwhelm. She was in graduate school in an accelerated program, caring for her family, working in her own business and was responsible for all the other little details of life that fill our days to the brim.

She happens to be super-capable, and very smart, so she naturally expected herself to be getting A’s in all her graduate courses.

Naturally.

The problem with this was that it would require enormous amounts of study time that she chose to give to other things, like seeing her kids and her husband and sleeping. Working. Caring for herself. To name a few.

So, what I proposed was what one of my own professors in graduate school proposed to me: Dare to be mediocre.

What! This was the antithesis of everything I believed.

Be your best.

Always do your best.

Strive for excellence.

Never stop trying.

Relax.

I’m not saying ‘Don’t care! Do sloppy work! Whatever!’

(By the way, I’m too old to say ‘whatever!’)

What I am saying and what I had to learn myself is this:

Life is short.

We have to pick and choose where we spend our precious time and attention. If you’d like to learn more about focus and where you choose to put yours, listen to my podcast Weight Loss Made Real, Episode 12, right here. <insert link to that podcast please on my website>

So not everything can net you a perfect result.

The best.

An A+.

For this client, it meant striving for a B+ instead of her usual A.

Does that mean you don’t care about what you produce? Or your route? Or your end result?

NO.

You care very much.

But you are being intentionally picky.

You’re giving yourself permission to do ‘OK’ work in some areas of life.

Sometimes you’ll excel.

Sometimes you won’t.

But I’ll bet if you give yourself this permission to be mediocre sometimes, in some areas, you’ll surely enjoy the journey a lot more.

Try it.

And let me know.

The Self-Compassion Diet

Wednesday, March 16th, 2016

Self-CompassionA while back, a friend sent me an article she thought I might be interested in. It still stands out in my mind.

It was from the New York Times, in the Health section, written by Tara Parker-Pope, entitled Go Easy on Yourself, A New Wave of Research Urges”.

The article talked about self-compassion as a critical ingredient needed for happiness, self-esteem, easy weight loss, and just about everything we all wish for in our vision of a good life.

It cites research from the recently released book, The Self-Compassion Diet, by Jean Fain.

So, what is self-compassion?

Well, you know the old Golden Rule? Always treats others as you want to be treated yourself.

This is a modification of that rule: Always treat yourself as well as you treat others.

It may be, for many of us, the missing ingredient in getting ourselves to reach our goals.

As I read through the article and the many comments it sparked, I noticed how many people felt that self-compassion was something we had enough of. Time to toughen up and do what you need to do.

But others disagreed.

One of the comments on this article was from a woman who said: “No one in the world hates me more than I hate myself”.

So let me ask you: If you make a mistake, do you berate yourself before moving on and correcting the mistake?

Are you afraid you’ll be a worse mother, a heavier woman, a less efficient worker if you are nice to yourself?

What is self-compassion?

  • It’s seeing yourself without judgment, without disappointment or disapproval.
  • It’s seeing your true self with clarity and honesty, and still feeling love for yourself.
  • It’s being able to accept flaws in yourself without condemning.

If self-compassion feels so good, why even debate it?

Why don’t we all have busloads of self-compassion all the time?

It’s because we fear that if we aren’t harsh and critical, we’ll just go off the deep end.

Become a total sloth.

Be unproductive.

Gain 50 pounds.

Lose all our motivation.

But here’s the deal: Being compassionate toward yourself is not the same as feeling sorry for yourself. Feeling sorry for yourself keeps you stuck. Feeling compassion is like putting a cozy blanket of comfort around you, and saying, ‘You’re ok’.

It doesn’t hold us back from our best work, or from our best self, or from our best habits.

It fills our cups, letting us move forward.

It’s always easier and feels better when we move from a place of love, and understanding.

Comforted.

Full.

Not needing to fill ourselves up with things that don’t quite do the trick.

Like brownies, when you’re lonely.

And chips when you’re overwhelmed.

So, what’s the trick to feeling self-compassion?

  • When something goes wrong, pretend that your most beloved friend was responsible, instead of you. How would you talk to her?
  • When you are doing something that isn’t in your best interests, rise above the scene. Look down at yourself on the ground. And remind yourself of your big game plan.
  • When things aren’t perfect, remind yourself that you’re not alone. We’re all human, we’re all in this together, and we certainly all screw up. So there.

Self-compassion.

Sounds good to me.

Ready for Black Friday?

Friday, November 25th, 2011

Black Friday shoppers waiting to get in

Black Friday.

You know.

The day after Thanksgiving when everyone lines up at their favorite store at 4:00 a.m. to get a shot at getting one of 50 heavily discounted Ipads, Prada purses, leopard print doggie raincoats, or Cabbage Patch dolls.

(Yes, I know I’m dating myself with that last one but I couldn’t resist.)

When the doors open, grown women stampede each other to get in the door and score the coveted goods.

The feelings:

Excitement

Lust

Competitiveness

Why? Because if you are one of these shoppers, you want to get your prize.

Now, come back to Black Friday.

Another perspective.

Black Friday is the day after Thanksgiving

The feelings I hear most about on this day, after indulging in a day of family, great food, maybe a little Dysfunctional Family Bingo, and a nap are:

Regret.

Shame.

Disgust.

Why? Because if you are a typical American woman, you overindulged.

You ate too much.

So what!

Let’s look at this holiday another way.

Your end game, your body, your weight are all the result of what you do on a regular, consistent basis.

Most months.

Most weeks.

Most days.

Most meals.

One meal? Thanksgiving?

It’s not a big deal.

It’s just a day.

You overate.

Life goes on.

So put away the shame, the remorse, and the disgust.

Move on.

And get out there and get in line for the thrill of the Black Friday hunt at your favorite retailer.

I’ll Have What She’s Having

Thursday, June 23rd, 2011

Comparing ourself with one who has it allWe’ve all seen her.

The woman we think who has it all together.

She looks good, and seems confident.

We imagine the best.

The perfect woman living her perfect life.

And then we start comparing.

Us to her.

Our life.

Our body.

Our relationships.

Our money.

Guess who loses?

Every. Single. Time.

Our reality cannot, ABSOLUTELY cannot compare to the fantasy life of a stranger.

So get back inside you.

The reality of you.

Your life.

And get into the fantasy of the best you can be in your own life.

You.

Not her.