Archive for the ‘Manage Your Mind’ Category

Why Does It Have to Take So Long?

Wednesday, September 13th, 2017

Why Does It Take So LongOne of the most common things I hear from my clients is, ‘Why is it so slow?’

Why does weight loss take so long?

Here’s the simple answer:

When you do the work needed for real, lasting weight loss, your results will come in three stages.

First, you’ll learn to think in a totally different way.

You’ll stop going to food to solve a problem.

Unless the problem is hunger.

This is mindset work.

It will give you shifts in how you deal with life.

After the mindset shifts, the next stage you’ll go through will be changes in how you eat.

Once you do the mindset work, the changes in your eating will flow naturally.

And last, after mindset changes…

After eating changes…

comes weight loss.

The extra weight you’ve accumulated now has no reason to stay.

Your thinking has changed.

The cause of your overeating is disconnected.

So your eating changes.

And last, so does your weight.

It’s not really taking too long.

It’s perfectly on time.

Losing Weight, Gaining Time

Tuesday, August 8th, 2017

timeHow much time do you spend thinking about what you eat?

And about what you didn’t eat?

How about what you want to eat?

And what you wish you hadn’t?

What about your body?

Wish it were thinner, firmer, smaller?

And let’s not forget the guilt.

How much time do you spend on guilt and regret for things you’ve eaten, for what you weigh, for basically, well, for being you?

Do you spend time thinking about weight you’ve gained?

Weight you haven’t lost?

Weight you wished you had lost?

How about counting?

Do you count points, calories, fat grams or carbs?

Do you search the bookstores for an answer?

Do you spend time wondering what is wrong with you?

Searching the internet for a magic bullet?

And how about the way you torture yourself when you get dressed.

What looks good on a body you wish were different?

I don’t know about you, but I’m getting tired just writing about all the time we spend thinking about weight, food and our bodies.

What a waste of the life you have!

  • You could be finding the love of your life.
  • Running a race.
  • Writing a killer report for work.
  • Starting a business.
  • Reading an incredible book.
  • Painting a gorgeous picture.
  • Listening to kickass music.
  • Dancing around your house.
  • Bonding with your best girlfriend.
  • Loving your kids.
  • Writing a book.
  • Watching a sunset.
  • Taking in a great movie.

Wow.

All the things you could be doing.

If you could lose your extra weight.

No.

If you could lose the whole problem.

Losing the weight takes care of the symptom.

Temporarily.

Losing the whole problem is a permanent fix.

For good.

So stop wasting your time.

Stop looking and obsessing and wishing and hating yourself.

Find out why you overeat, and do the work. Make the change at that deep level.

And you will gain enough time to create an incredible life.

Or make the one you already have awesome.

Food Is Not Your Friend

Wednesday, July 26th, 2017

friendOf course food is not your friend.

You already know that.

You don’t rely on food to comfort you, do you?

You don’t go to food when things aren’t going well, do you?

And you certainly don’t feel most understood when you are in the presence of your favorite food, do you?

Ok, well, some of us may have done these things at one point or another.

But we’ve learned, right?

Food is just food.

But, just because we all know that food is not our friend, I just want to make sure that we also know that FOOD IS NOT THE ENEMY.

Food is just food. Just a substance that can nourish the body. It’s not good, it’s not bad.

Food is neutral.

No need to fear it, to stay away from it, or to give it any power.

It doesn’t really have the power to make you feel good.

And it doesn’t really have the power to make you feel bad.

You can do that all by yourself.

Hmmmm.

Maybe it’s time to find some new friends.

What’s Blocking Your Goals?

Wednesday, July 12th, 2017

My clients, and in fact most people I know, frequently set goals.

For all kinds of things they want to achieve.

Sometimes they achieve their goals.

They make plans, they think the right thoughts, and take the right actions.

But sometimes, they don’t reach their goals.

And often, it’s because their goals are running smack into their belief systems, and there’s a conflict.

goals

So, what’s the way around this?

Do you work harder, longer or faster?

Do you make more plans, bigger plans or different plans?

Maybe you need to take more actions?

Nope.

It’s none of the above.

First you need to look at your beliefs.

See what they are.

Is there a conflict between what you want and what you believe?

If there is, that work – the work of examining and perhaps changing some of your beliefs, that must come first.

If you want more close relationships, but one of your core beliefs is that you are unlovable, it won’t be easy.

If you want to earn more money but hold the belief that good people don’t care about money, it won’t happen.

Or, if you want a vibrant, healthy body, but you secretly believe that self-care is selfish, you may correctly guess that getting fit will be an uphill battle.

The funny thing is, we all have core beliefs that guide our lives.

We’re just not aware of them.

So, before you set those goals, before you go down the road of glory and achievement, pause.

Spend some time figuring out your deep beliefs.

Look at them and decide whether they serve you.

Deal with them if they don’t.

Then move towards your goals.

Now you’ve got a good shot at reaching them.

Take Off The Gloves

Tuesday, June 20th, 2017

Woman with Boxing GlovesAre you guilty of beating yourself up?

For things you do?

For things you wish you had done?

How about for how you feel?

Or for how you look?

Or famously, for what you weigh?

Am I leaving anything out?

At one point or another, we’ve probably all succumbed to self-beating. It’s a learned reaction.

Instead of feeling compassion and seeing what we might need to feel better, we whip ourselves with our words or our thoughts.

And we add insult to injury.

Maybe we think that if we don’t put on boxing gloves and whip ourselves into shape, we’ll be worse.

Do less.

Eat more.

Make more mistakes.

Gain more weight.

Here’s how the cycle goes:

  • We think something that makes us feel crappy.
  • Then we make it worse with how we talk to ourselves.
  • And then, in a desperate attempt to feel better somehow, we partake in a shadow comfort.

A shadow comfort gives us immediate gratification, but hurts us in the long run.

So if we overeat or overspend or overdrink to relieve the painful beating in our head, we’ll pay for it when we’re done.

And then the voice continues.

On and on and on.

There’s only one way out of this mess.

Stop.

Stop talking to yourself in a way that you’d NEVER talk to anyone else.

Be kind.

Take off the boxing gloves.

You deserve better.

How To Stop Running From Your Triggers

Wednesday, April 26th, 2017

Stop Running From Your TriggersWhen we talk about triggers in the world of weight loss, we’re talking about automatic behaviors.

Or automatic feelings.

Or automatic thoughts.

When something or someone triggers us, usually it sets off a chain reaction of thoughts, feelings and actions that lead us right where we don’t want to go, to results we don’t want.

Most weight loss wisdom has taught us to avoid these triggers.

Quick, get out!

Step away from the situation, from the aggressive co-worker, from the tempting Oreo.

But after years of advising this to my clients, and using it in my own life, I’ve come to a totally different conclusion.

Don’t run from your triggers.

In fact, run TO your triggers.

Yes, that’s right.

Welcome whatever has pressed your buttons in the past.

And use it as an opportunity for growth.

Because if we keep avoiding and running from things we are sensitized to, we’ll never confront our thoughts and feelings long enough to create new ones, ones that won’t lead us down the slippery slope.

I used to dread being with my husband or kids if they were eating sweets or something I was trying to avoid (since I’m gluten and dairy sensitive, there ARE some things it’s in my best interest to avoid).

I stayed as far away as I could, all the while internally whining about how unfair life was. And resenting them for being able to eat something I chose not to eat.

Now I see it differently.

If I don’t avoid my triggers, I have to deal with those resentful thoughts. And being with my family while they might be eating something that is off limits for me (by my choice) lets me examine my beliefs about life not being fair, not getting my share, and all the other ‘poor me’ victim thoughts floating around in my head.

I recognize them, bring them to the surface, and deal with them.

It feels a whole lot better than running to another room every time someone else chooses to do something I don’t want to be doing.

So now, when my hubby brings out the Chunky Monkey, I can have my own version of ice cream that agrees with my body, or I can have, as Geneen Roth calls it, ‘another f@#&%!g growth opportunity’!

Bring it on!

Are You Greedy For More?

Tuesday, March 7th, 2017

Greedy womanSometimes, when I’m eating something really delicious, I have a hard time stopping. I was hungry when I started, and I thoroughly enjoyed what I ate, and now, well, I want to keep going.

Has this ever happened to you?

Sometimes, stopping brings up our issues.

Do we feel like we never have enough?

Enough love, money, food, connections?

Do we want to keep eating to avoid thinking about something?

Or feeling something?

Or doing something?

I’m sure you’ve been there.

But how about when you want to keep eating because it tastes so absolutely yummy?

I’ve been noticing myself doing that lately.

The one piece of chocolate becomes two or three.

The two little gummy bears are so good. I have to go back for more.

Well, here’s the deal.

Sometimes there isn’t necessarily an issue.

Sometimes we are just greedy for more of something good.

Often, we’re so stingy with ourselves, that we rarely give ourselves a treat.

Especially if we’re trying to lose weight.

And when we finally give ourselves a taste of something purely for pleasure, it’s tough to stop. We may feel overwhelmed by the pleasure of it.

So maybe sometimes, when we can’t stop, we’re just being greedy.

I don’t mean that you should use this thought to beat yourself up with. Or to use as evidence that there’s something wrong with you.

There isn’t.

But, even though something is delicious, doesn’t mean we should just roll over and keep eating it.

After all, we’re in charge of ourselves.

And while once in a while going overboard feels great, if we do it regularly, it won’t feel good.

Nor will it give us the results we’re looking for.

So if you’ve been feeling a little greedy lately, and there isn’t a life theme or big emotional issue driving you, here’s what you can do:

Take yourself by the hand, and lead yourself away from the gummies. Do what’s in your best interest. Resist being greedy just to be greedy.

When something tastes fabulous, watch your next thought.

The fact that it tastes great isn’t a command.

It’s just an observation.

This tastes unbelievable! I love it! It’s great!

Period.

The next thought does not have to be: ‘And I must have more’.

Just consider that even after observing how delicious something is, your next thought can be, ‘so what!’

Don’t create a command for yourself.

Enjoy, and step back.

There’s always next time.

Where Will You Be In Your Future?

Wednesday, February 22nd, 2017

Woman gazing at futureCoaches often use future focused tools to help their clients envision how they’ll feel when they reach their life goals. These goals could be career goals, relationship goals, money goals or health and fitness goals.

Just about anything.

These tools focus on your ‘end game’. How will you feel when you reach these goals? Exactly what will your life look like when you get where you want to go?

The theory is if you can identify how you will feel when you lose weight or get out of debt, you can create that feeling right now in your life. And this will make reaching your goal much easier.

I’ve done it myself, and many of my clients do it all the time. It works.

But, in the heat of the moment when you’re facing down an unplanned purchase on an already maxed-out Visa, or a double fudge chocolate cupcake on an already maxed-out full tummy, the vision of your end game is harder to conjure up.

It seems that in the moment, the temptation of the food or the sale feel stronger and more tempting than your vision of your possible future.

So here’s what I do:

Start asking yourself what the consequence will be for you if you buy this, or eat this, and keep doing that for the next five years.

  • How will you feel?
  • What will you weigh?
  • What will your Visa bill look like?
  • Will you feel healthy and fit and energetic?
  • Will you have saved enough to buy your dream house or start your business?
  • Will you have the relationship you want?

In other words, if you keep doing what you are doing now, stop for a moment and really think about the road you are traveling on.

Where will this road lead?

If you don’t make a U-turn, are you okay with where you will end up?

If not, then use that vision of the future you DON’T want to spur you into action: put down that cupcake, put on your gym shoes, stop spending money you don’t really have and get away from that reality show.

Sometimes, knowing what’s ahead of you and what you don’t want can be a stronger motivator than the vision of what you do want.

Look at the Big Picture

Thursday, January 26th, 2017

Look at big pictureMaybe you’re one of my readers because you want to lose weight.

So many women do.

But you know in your heart that food, eating and weight are just pieces of the whole big picture of your life.

And if we stay on the surface, and just focus on the pieces, we’re not really solving the bigger puzzle.

Instead, looking on the surface, you may have found the answer to a question like, ‘How do I not raid the refrigerator this weekend when I visit my mother?’

But you didn’t find the answer to the Big Question, which is, ‘How do I lose this extra weight once and for all AND lose the whole problem?’

You don’t want a quick fix.

You want a real, lasting solution.

Who wants to be dealing with the same problem over and over again?

So many of us tend to look at solving the weight loss puzzle as a series of separate, unrelated situations:

  • If only I could learn how to not gain weight over the Christmas break.
  • How can I entertain for work this week and still be true to my eating plan?
  • I need to learn to stop snacking when my kids are moody after school today, when I’m not really hungry.

While each of these situations occurs frequently for many of my clients, it’s not each individual situation that’s our stumbling block.

Our stumbling blocks are the thoughts and patterns that keep showing up and ruling our lives.

And it’s our reactions to these repetitive habits that allow us to take that first unneeded bite, and not stop until the food is gone.

Stop reacting.

Step back from your life.

What seems to come up over and over again for you that derails your best efforts to lose weight?

Well, once you have identified the patterns, start creating some strategies.

Make your own rules for yourself.

You’re in charge.

You are not at the mercy of the world.

Things don’t just happen to you.

Just step back and think.

Put away the magnifying glass and look at the big picture.

Plan.

Strategize.

Prepare for what you know will show up.

Create personalized rules for yourself.

And get back in charge.

Goin’ Gray!

Thursday, December 15th, 2016

Woman coloring her hair to remove grayAllow me to clarify for a moment here.

The hair coloring process of Cookie Rosenblum will not be stopping anytime soon.

Nope. Covering my gray hairs will continue indefinitely.

The gray I’m talking about is beneath my crowning glory. And yours too.

It’s your mindset.

You know how you (and a million others) may have a tiny tendency to think in black and white?

Here’s how it goes:

  • You see yourself as either a good person or a terrible person.
  • Either you’re on a strict diet or eating everything that doesn’t have a pulse.
  • You might be glued to your couch eating chips, or you find yourself training for a marathon.

Sound familiar?

Well, here’s the deal.

Nothing is all good.

Or all bad.

Especially not you.

Striving to be all good all the time is guaranteed to do nothing but make you feel bad about yourself.

And why would you want to do that?

Conversely, telling yourself you’re a terrible person because something you tried wasn’t perfect puts you down that slippery slope of self-judgment.

Neither extreme works.

Neither extreme feels good.

So, go for gray.

Be okay with being just okay.

And know that being okay doesn’t mean giving up, not trying at all, or doing your worst.

It means, simply, that sometimes it’s okay to just do okay.

Not great.

Not terrible.

But okay is okay.